I haven’t posted in a while, but I’ve been busy. I’m performing in a play at our local community theater, and with rehearsals lasting three hours most nights, (and even on some Saturdays), I didn’t have much free time. We’re now putting the show on every Friday and Saturday night for three weekends in February: we just finished weekend #2 last night, and next weekend will be our final two performances. It’s been a LOT of fun, but it has kept me from things like blogging, sleeping, and so on!
The play is a musical, “The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.” I am not a fan of musicals generally, but this is an AMAZING cast: those guys can flat-out SING! It’s also a very funny show. I have the only non-singing role in the show. I play Vice-Principal Douglas Panch, who’s the guy that reads the words to be spelled. My job is simply to move the action along, and provide support for the stars of the show. I have really enjoyed this experience: part of me will be sad when we finish our last show.
In any case, here’s a few things I’ve seen lately that made me laugh: hope they bring a smile to your face as well!
The Importance of Walking
Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 94 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years old and we don’t know where he is.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they’ll say, “Well, she looks good doesn’t she.”
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,……just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads.
Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, ‘Father, my dog is dead… Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for the poor creature?’
Father Patrick replied, ‘I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church…. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.’
Muldoon said, ‘I’ll go right away Father. Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?’
Father Patrick exclaimed, ‘Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND…..
A paraprosdokian (from Greek “παρα-“, meaning “beyond” and “προσδοκία”, meaning “expectation”) is a figure of speech or part of a sentence or phrase that is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.
Here are some good examples…….